Be ready to do a little soul searching here.
There is a large spectrum of parenting between “Laissez Faire” and “Helicopter”. We are going to be addressing those of you who tend toward “Helicopter” today.
Today’s society has many dangers for children. And for parents who are raising children with more conservative values, there can often be a sense of fear or panic that their child is being corrupted, lead astray, or sent down the wrong path. There are parents who also have very particular expectations of how things should be done and maintain high standards for their children in areas like sports, academics, home maintenance, or reputations.
This post is not attempting to tell you what values to pursue, but rather to get you to start thinking about how you communicate your values and expectations to your children. Instilling morals, teaching values, setting expectations, and having standards are all important parts of parenting… they are all nurturing. BUT… at some point, you can easily slip from nurturing to neurotic.
Definition of neurotic: abnormally sensitive, obsessive, or tense and anxious
When it comes to monitoring your children’s behavior, activities, choices, friends, outings, school work, extra-curriculars, health, etc… are you overly sensistive? Obsessive? Tense? Anxious?
Let me give you a bit of insight… If you think that you may be a bit on the neurotic-side about something… your child most assuredly thinks you are! (Remember… perception is reality!)
And while this certainly has implications on nurturing your child, my goal in this blog post is to help you nurture you. Creeping your way from nurturing your child(ren) to being neurotic about what is going on in their life will bring immense pressure, stress, and worry. Yes, instilling, guiding, correcting, teaching, helping, observing, and protecting are important… but there is only so much you can control. And only so much can be learned from you… some lessons need to be learned from life experience. Exposure, failure, moments of weakness, and bad choices are not the end of the world. We all made them in our younger years… and here we are. Neurotic parenting methods will not protect your children, it will make them more vulnerable in the long run, more likely to rebel, less likely to come to you if something happens, and will put immense stress on your day-to-day life.
So how can you help maintain the neurosis? Keep the BIG picture in mind. Mistakes happen. Unfortunate choices are made. Painful experiences occur. And ALL of these circumstances can be used for the good of your child(ren). You only have so much control. Don’t attempt to have more control than is truly possible, otherwise, you may not get invited to be a part of the healing and restoring process for when your child goes astray.
So what do you need to ease up about? Your child’s room? Grades? Time with friends? Please know I am not trying to advocate for lackadaisical parenting; just trying to save you from all that hovering! Comment below with your area of improvement and/or thoughts.
Having a hard time managing your child’s behavior? or your peace of mind? Click here to schedule a free consultation via online video conferencing.