Fall. Balancing Dependency

fall-seriesThis month we are discussing just how important it is to seek help and support; whether it be from friends, family, peers, or professionals. BUT… where do you draw the line?

There are two extremes when it comes to the “asking for help spectrum…”

  1. The person who refuses to ask for help and disadvantages him/herself by trying to do things on his/her own.
  2. The person who never takes responsibility, acts helpless, and depends on everyone else to do things for him/her.

HOPEFULLY, you are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum… and the more balanced, the better. But the reality is, we are going to be more likely to lean toward one side than the other. Where do you fall?

Funny thing is… if you feel like you are burdening others… you are likely one who is not seeking as much support as you could be. AND if you feel like you are being disadvantaged and no one is there for you… you are likely one who is seeking others’ help too often and needing to take more personal responsibility.

Our feelings are not always reliable!

Image result for balanceSince we have really been focusing on asking for help during this series, I am going to take one post to talk about how to make sure you are balancing your dependency… and for those of you who don’t like asking for help… you are probably concerned about this anyway! For those of you who rely on others too much and feel let down all the time… this is for you!

The first thing we need to understand is that NO. MATTER. WHAT. People are going to let us down. Humans do NOT have perfect track records; simply cannot happen… including you. YOU let people down on a regular basis; so it is time to give some grace to others who will inevitably let you down in the future. Now, there is a difference between someone letting you down and someone being out for your demise. Don’t continue sourcing dependency/assistance from someone who is not looking out for your well-being. BUT regardless, those who do care, will let you down and will fail you. Yet, despite this reality, don’t give up on them and don’t let that cause you to never seek out help or support.

By the way… YES… even your professional helper/counselor/therapist/etc… will let you down. That doesn’t mean stop seeking services from him/her… this is a part of your therapeutic process and will happen with any and every person you work with. Just because someone is a professional, does not mean they are immune to mistakes. How they handle their mistakes is a different story though! (Another future post on this?????)

Image result for eggs in one basketIf all your eggs are in the basket of other people taking care of you problems, your results will be ugly. It is not everyone else’s primary responsibility to take care of you. We have a responsibility to take care of ourselves and our own first. Yes, we are all meant to help one another, but we are to take care of our households first. If you place all your dependency on others… this is also a really easy way to find yourself alone because nobody wants to live under that type of pressure and unrealistic expectation.

If you constantly find that people are abandoning you, letting you down, or walking out… perhaps your dependency and expectations are too high. (This post might even be evoking some anger.) What things do you need to take more ownership over? What are you constantly blaming other people for? How can you start to take responsibility in those areas and make positive change for yourself? Stop jumping from person to person… from service to service… to find your answers. Start to self-examine what YOU can be doing to take care of you. If you are not willing to do the things you need to do to take care of you… why do you think other people will be motivated to take care of you? VALUE YOURSELF! When you work on you, you will find that the people you allow in your life are the ones more likely to be reliable and support you.

Taking care of yourself will in turn allow you to know the people you depend on are truly going to be dependable. Is this something you struggle with? Are you ready to seek help that will allow you to help yourself? Let’s meet for a free consultation ASAP to get you on track. Go to https://JillianRedefiningWellness.clientsecure.me

Know someone that could use this pep talk?! Feel free to share!


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