This is something that is very vulnerable for me to talk about, but I hope that it encourages you.
So, my hubby and I just bought our first home… if you missed the announcement… check out this post. The provision for God is unreal and I could not feel more blessed.
I am SO hesitant to show people pictures of my home.
I am often embarrassed or ashamed of my house… and not for reason you may think someone would be. It’s not that I think my house is not good enough… it’s because I struggle with thinking my house is EXCESSIVE.
I NEVER wanted a big house. And honestly, I took a while to even consider making an offer on this house (our AWESOME realtor **Kim Noonan** probably thought I was nuts!), simply because it was so big… and I was embarrassed and afraid of what people would think of me for owning such a home. But, THAT is NOT an excuse to pass on what God is providing for you and not a reason to go against your husband’s leading. SO, after much prayer, God broke me of my selfishness and allowed me to move forward with purchasing this home. BUT, I still struggle with this idea of embarrassment. Here is why…
I have always wanted and felt very strongly that a small house was the way to go. Why do people “need” so much space? Why spend more money on something that really isn’t necessary? Why spend more on utilities? Why try to make your house a status symbol? Isn’t closer proximity with family better? Bigger houses mean more time cleaning. Bigger house means more furniture. Big houses have always seemed excessive and costly to me.
And now I have one.
I think about the majority of the world’s population and I feel a sense of guilt for the luxury I have. I feel as though people will look at my house and think that I value material things. I fear that people will judge me as someone who wants people to think we have money and are of high society… that I am someone who is not who I truly am… which is someone of simplicity and low maintenance and could care LESS about having stuff or a home that looks pretty.
And you know what… this mentality is JUST AS WRONG as someone who does idolize materialism.
Fearing men is wrong. Basing my decisions off of how others will perceive me is wrong. This mentality shows that I believe what people own is a reflection of who they are… at least to some degree. I like to tell myself that I just know that is how most people think… and so I don’t want to come off the wrong way to those other people… but truth be told; I must believe this to an extent if I am so fearful.
Truth about our house is we would have spent MORE money getting a smaller house with a smaller yard (one of THE most important parts of our home search). I know this truth… but the majority of people looking at us don’t and never will. BUT, why do I care about this?? My deceitful heart tells me that I am communicating that stuff is more important than God… but is that really true?! God surely places people in certain places or situations that allow them to have access to different classes of people. Truth is people in country clubs, Hollywood, suburbia, inner cities, projects, farmlands, country, mansions, trailer homes, etc… ALL need to hear about Jesus.
Satan wants me to feel embarrassed, guilty, and ashamed. He wants me to stay quiet about God’s grace and provision in my life. NO THANK YOU. I WILL praise God and give Him the glory due His name. If someone wants to misinterpret the truth… that is on THEM. I am not responsible for others’ responses, I am only responsible for how I respond to God and my heart. If God provided me with a house bigger than I expected… He certainly has a purpose for it! We are eager to see what that purpose is and know it is good!
How did God work in your home buying situation? Share your story in the comments!