Ever have those times in your life where it feels like NOTHING is going your way?
Do you know someone that seems to have a cursed life? Where everything seems to go wrong?
Do people truly have cursed lives? Do some people just get a raw deal on life?
While it is true that we do not have control over what happens around us, we certainly have an influence on what we expose ourselves to, how we impact/relate to others, and our habits/choices/behaviors impact how life impacts us. THEREFORE…
We absolutely have an impact on our life outcomes.
Now, I will cite the biblical figure Job here. If you do not value Scripture or take it seriously, please relax and just go along for the ride for a minute here. Job had all sorts of disastrous things happen in his life (children lost, business destroyed, health problems, loss of financial security, etc.). And he had NO control over those things (Interested? Read here!). So, can horrible things happen to you that you have no impact on? Yes. BUT… despite this, Job was not embittered and he sought peace and healing from God. But, I would say that for the majority of people on this planet, a Job-like existence is not the norm. Yes, things happen that are out of your control. BUT, you control how you react to them and how to move forward.
That being said… if there are consistent, persistent, pervasive, unending problems in your life…
You absolutely have some responsibility for this. The degree to which you are responsible will vary from person to person and situation to situation, but regardless of how “messed up” something is or how much it is the fault of someone else… you most assuredly played a role in the outcome.
Now, before you get too defensive and right me off for “placing the blame” on you. Please know that this is not my heart or my intent. I simply want you to realize that as a human being, you are prone to error. I can guarantee that there is always something you could have done to make the situation better or avoided to keep it from getting worse. And recognizing that part as being an integral part of the situation is your ticket to humility… which will lead to freedom from bitterness and contempt. Doesn’t that sound nice?
So what area of your life seems to continually let you down? Do people take advantage of you? Do you never seem to have enough money? Are you constantly getting unexpected medical bills? Feel like you are always letting people down? Not able to trust anyone? Always behind on what needs to get done? Your children are out of control? Your close relationships always burn you? Can’t land jobs or keep them? People completely misunderstand your words or actions? Perhaps something else…
It would be unloving for me to say that you are not responsible for these things continually going awry. If something is continually going wrong in your life… guess what the only constant, unchanging, ever-present variable is???
You are the only piece of the puzzle that continually shows up in every scenario. You must play a role in your life outcomes. I am sure that your intentions are not to set yourself up to fail or to get hurt. It may be that you are not even yet aware of what you are doing to cause thing to go wrong. But it would be statistically impossible for you to not be causing yourself to walk down that same path over and over again. You surely aren’t doing it on purpose. It may be that you are not even aware of ways to handle your situation in a different manner. Or it may just be extremely hard for you to break the habits you’ve been practicing for so long.
Here are two reactions I hope you are not having right now:
1) &*%# this chick. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
2) I’m such a horrible person/failure/screw up… there is no hope for me.
I hope that your eyes are being opened to consider something new. To feel like you can finally figure out how to address and eradicate your frustrating and crippling life outcomes. Let go of your bitterness, pride, shame, guilt, pain, discouragement, cynicism, and hopelessness… And get ready to search your heart, your actions, your gestures, your personality, your upbringing, and the way you present yourself. There are so many things we do not know about ourselves that impact our daily lives and may be hindering us from experiencing the life we hope to live.
So where do you start? First, you need to identify what areas of your life continually let you down. Write them down. Are there any connections? Is there a main theme? Next, you need to truly examine your role in these situations. It is time to STOP making excuses or justifications for your actions. While your actions may be justified, they still can contribute to your negative outcomes. Do you want to feel justified or do you want to live a life free of the burdens you carry? Your choice. Once you see your contributions, it is time to get feedback from someone else. There are so many things you do not realize are impacting your life. Let someone tell you… and DON’T get offended. You need to have an open mind and understand that you asked for this feedback and have the proper expectation that this information will be very hard to hear, but very necessary.
Now that you have all of this information, it is time to identify the ways you need to change. Let me say, however, don’t set yourself up to fail and try to change everything at once. You need to experience victory to have the strength and motivation to continue. Start with something you know you can do. Get accountability for it (have someone check in with you daily or weekly). And write down your successes. Once you have mastered one area, try another!
Not sure of someone that can help you through this process?? This is where counseling and/or therapy can be a great help.
What area do you need to address? Where do you need some help? Comment below and I will be sure to respond! We all have areas of struggle. Let’s work on them together and encourage others that they are not alone. If you are interested in getting therapeutic support, please fill out the comment box.