MAYday! Mental Health Monday – “I can’t ask for help…”

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Mayday, mayday, mayday!

This is the international word to signify distress. It also happens to be a fun play on words for the month of May… Sooooo… this month we will be focusing on what it may feel like, how to respond, and ways to have victory during times of distress.

When it comes to life, the question is NEVER if life will be hard… it is when and how.

Everyone deals with distress differently. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope and get through these seasons. The amount that an event is distress is fully dependent on the person experiencing it. Some events cause extreme distress in some, but little or none in others. This does not mean there is anything wrong with either person, but speaks more to their previous life experiences and inherent resiliency. No one should feel ashamed for their genuine response to life’s difficulties; but should seek out the help and support they need accordingly to ensure there is growth and healthy ways of overcoming such distress.

Life is not meant to be done alone. Our support system is a key factor to our success in overcoming life’s difficulties. When life gets hard, we have a tendency to want to isolate, be alone, not bother anyone, not want to hear those trite phrases of “encouragement,” or explain what happened again and again. As an introvert, all of these excuses are RIGHT up my ally… and they can be okay for a short period of time to regain some stability, BUT over time it moves from being healthy or helpful to unhealthy and hurtful.

Why is it SO hard to ask for help?

Here are some reasons…

  • I don’t want to bother anyone.
  • People are too busy to help me.
  • The last thing I need is for someone else to let me down.
  • Then I will owe them something.
  • I don’t want to feel better right now.
  • I don’t deserve anyone’s help.
  • They won’t understand.
  • They will think I’m a horrible person.
  • My place is a mess… I’m a mess… no one wants to deal with that.
  • I can’t trust anyone anymore.
  • What can anyone really do to help?
  • I will look so weak.
  • I’m supposed to be strong.
  • I should be able to handle this on my own.
  • This is too embarrassing.
  • I will snap out of it eventually.
  • My family never asked for help.
  • I’ll be that annoying person that never does anything for his/herself
  • I’m a hopeless cause.
  • There’s really nothing wrong.
  • People have to deal with this everyday, why should I expect help?
  • The last time I asked for help, it was a disaster.
  • I will just end up causing more problems.
  • I just need to get over this.
  • There is nothing I can do.
  • I’ll just get a lecture.
  • I deserve to suffer.
  • Getting help means I have to change. I’m not ready for that.

Any of these sound familiar to you? Are you currently telling yourself some of these things right now? My dear reader, please, please don’t allow yourself to struggle on your own. If you have anyone in your life who loves you… they WANT you to ask for help. Those who love you want to see you grow and thrive and be restored. Asking for help is STRONG, hiding in your pain takes no courage. Stepping out, sharing your heart, and leaning on others to help you through your trial is what is true strength.

When it comes to being embarrassed or feeling judged… most people have experienced something similar to what you are going through. It is amazing to me that there are so many people on social media groups that are beyond relieved to know that they are not “crazy” or they are not the only one thinking, feeling, or experiencing the same or very similar situations. And while an online support group can certainly be helpful, having someone that can hug you and provide tangible needs for you.

Asking for help comes easier for some than others. And I know many people do not want to appear needy or be someone who milks the system and avoids personal responsibility… But odds are… if you are thinking through these things… you are NOT one to do that! If you do not have to go it alone… DON’T. Do not pass up on an opportunity for victory in your life!

So… what if you feel as though you have no one in your life to support you unconditionally? This is where counseling and therapy can be a beautiful resource. Not only will this provide you with support, but your counselor or therapist can also help you to venture out and find a support system and ask for the help you need. Your counselor/therapist cannot be your full support, but can get you started and be something consistent in your life.

Do you find yourself isolating? Which of the excuses above resonate with you? Is it time for you to branch out and seek help from a counselor or therapist? Comment below or email me at JillianRedefiningWellness@gmail.com to see if counseling could be your solution!

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