Family Friday: Key #9 – Stop Looking at What’s Not Yours

For some of you reading this post you will think I’m old fashioned… prudish… uptight… too strict… etc. That’s fine. But I hope you will read and consider what I have to say because I would not share something that I did not 100% believe could help to give you a more fulfilling life.

So… please… Stop looking at what is not yours.

I could go many directions with this, but I want to talk about pornography and lusting.

Family Friday … pornography … totally makes sense; right?!

I believe that pornography is something that can jeopardize the family unit. So while the topic may not be PG, I think it is an essential “Key to Life” issue that needs to be discussed for there to be a happy home.

I have spoken to many people who say that pornography is no big deal and that it really is harmless and a normal part of life… Then the more I talk to them it turns into… well everyone basically looks at/watches it, so I just have to deal with it… And then the more we talk… Sure, I’d rather they not look at it, but I don’t really have a choice.

Let’s be honest. Who honestly feels good about their significant other pining after/fantasizing about/lusting for another person in a sexual way? Pornography and lusting after others only causes feelings of insufficiency in the other partner. This can lead to jealousy, feelings of worthlessness, lack of trust, loss of confidence. I don’t know about you… but when someone is feeling those things in a relationship, healthy is NOT the word I would use to describe it.

Why make the person you love compete for your sexual attention? Why fill your sexual appetite throughout the day “snacking” on other images so that your hunger is satisfied when you get home?

Of course, I have some spiritual beliefs that back up my decisions, however, I would like to approach this from a completely secular standpoint. (Side point… God has commanded us to do or not do things for a reason… and it is to give us LIFE… not to steal our fun and freedom.)

Even if you do not have any moral convictions about viewing pornography or lusting after others… Do you still want fullness of life? Do you still want a fulfilling relationship? If so, please consider something that is as counter cultural as having a healthy, happy marriage (yes… I went there). Are we not able to see that most relationships are un-fulfilling or failing? So perhaps the things we as a society believe to be “ok” or “no big deal” are actually NOT ok and ARE a big deal. I believe looking at someone who is not your own is one of those things.

What would happen if you truly only had eyes for your significant other? What if you were 100% sexually faithful in your THOUGHTS and actions. I understand that this is not an easy thing to do (especially for men who are aroused by sight), but there are certainly steps you can take to minimize your sexualized thoughts about others. I challenge you to abstain from pornographic content for a week and see how you begin to change. See how much more energy you have toward your spouse. See how much more fulfilling and loving your relationship can be. Sex is designed to make people feel closer to one another (there is a hormone released after sex nicknamed the “snuggle horomone!”). The more it is an exclusive part of your relationship, the more closeness you will feel.

And now to those who have tried to abstain from looking at others who are not there own, but have failed. Viewing pornographic content has been proven to be addicting. You will need to take radical action to break this addiction. You cannot walk this alone. Get someone who can hold you accountable. Put safety guards on your online devices. Have a game plan for business trips. This is all so worth the effort.

Are you willing to try my one week challenge? Do you want support or resources to overcome this in your life? Please feel free to reach out via email (or comment… depending on your level of comfort!) at


Keep your eyes on your prize.



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