Mental Health Monday : Keys to Life… #1

Do you ever wonder why other people seem so happy? Why other people seem to have better relationships or less drama in their life? Or why are some people so content when they have so little? How are other people successful at things that you fail at over and over again? How can some people be so confident and worry free? What is with those people that just always seem to be so full of joy… even in the midst of difficulty?

Well, I want to address these questions you may ask yourself and give you answers and tools that you can apply to your life so that you know you are living life to the fullest. Warning… you may not like everything I have to say!

No one is immune to choosing a good life. You can always make the best of your situation and can have joy despite what “cards you are dealt” in life. And this is thought just so happens to perfectly set up my first “Key to Life” (I guess I did learn something from English class!)…

Understand the difference between EQUAL and EQUITABLE

I’m going to be honest with you and say… you do not want this world to be equal. For example… Do you know that friend of yours who has a wife that SUPER high maintenance? He dotes on her and pampers her and does all sorts of acts of kindness toward her… and she does less of these acts of kindness in return. This relationship is not equal. But it CAN be equitable. Now… if my husband did this, it would drive me nuts. And if I was high maintenance, I would drive him nuts. It does not work for us… However, for some people this can work 100% and both people can feel equally fulfilled. The husband may loving showing acts of kindness and like to fulfill realistic wants or desires (aka providing for high maintenance requests) because that makes him feel productive and knows for sure that he is doing something that is appreciated. And the wife may love receiving the gifts and having her tastes met. Many might say this is selfish, but she is providing her husband with an opportunity to feel fulfilled. (There will also be other things she brings to the relationship.) It works for them because it is EQUITABLE… no it is not equal… but that is not what matters. The husband has a larger “provider tank” to fill than a “receiving-gifts” tank to fill. The wife has a larger “feeling-loved-through-gifts tank” to fill than “giving-gifts” tank to fill (and, furthermore… she may show love by affirming him instead).

How about another example?

Someone may horrible at reading, but they are a great auditory learner. Is it fair to only teach that person by making them read a text book? Why not a book on tape instead? Or should everyone be forced to live on the same salary, regardless of their job? Should someone who cannot see well be allowed to drive a car because we have to provide equal opportunities to adults?

Do you believe in the second paragraph? Then that basic truth needs to be extended to the situation in the first paragraph… and other facets of your life.

You do not know people’s stories and you do not know their family history, struggles, or emotional tenacity. Everyone has different needs. You do not deserve everything someone else may have. Furthermore, you not having something does not necessarily mean you are doing something wrong… and it CERTAINLY does not mean you are lesser of a person.

And can we flip that too??

Other people do not deserve what you have. No one is really entitled to anything. You having something that someone else does not, does not necessarily that you are doing something right…. and it CERTAINLY does not mean you are a better person.

Equality is not really possible and not really fair. I believe we get upset when things are not equal, only if someone is disadvantaged, treated cruel, or looked down upon. Equality compares one thing to another… Equability is more of a holistic picture that balances multiple aspects. Equality is simply not possible. If you are tall, you need longer pants. If you are brilliant, you need more challenging work. If you are not a people person, you need a career that accommodates your personality. There are advantages and disadvantages in ALL lifestyles.

Embracing and pursuing equability instead of equal is a “key” to life that will increase your contentment and help get you off your soap box that things are just not “fair”!

Comment below with how you think this applies to your life and where you need to embrace things being equitable and not equal.

 

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