NOTEWORTHY NOVEMBER – Family Friday: “We have to see if we are fully compatible”

So today I am writing about something that is not only controversial… but basically unheard of these days.

The excuse: “We have to see if we are fully compatible.”

The impetus for the excuse: Couples living together before they are married.

For the record… Yes, I waited to live with my husband until we got married. Yes, I waited to have sex until I was married.

Now that we established that… let’s move on…

WHY do they believe this? In fact, those who do NOT cohabitate before marriage statistically have longer marriages.

I am not saying that if you have already had sex or have moved in with someone in the past that all is lost and you have no chance for fulfilling relationships or happiness. I do believe that God is able to renew your heart and your spirit and give you the grace and blessing of a fresh new start. I understand that the likeliness of my audience having abstained from sex to this point is very, very low… and that it is more likely that you have not chosen to live with a significant other than to have not had sex. Please do not feel as though I am condemning you, but hear me out and consider what I am saying. I promise it is with a heart and hope to provide you with fullness of life.

The excuse that you need to know if you are fully compatible with someone to justify moving in with your significant other is indicative of your lack of valuing the sacred nature of marriage… of your ability to really COMMIT to “until death do us part.”

Marriage is something that you enter into without believing there is an escape clause. If you believe divorce is an option for not feeling in love, things becoming difficult, bumps in your relationship, or not feeling compatible… then you are NOT ready for marriage. And, if you think that living with someone before you get married will help you to determine if this is going to work or not, you are seriously eluding yourself.

Let’s say it doesn’t work out… Yes, you did not get married to someone who” was not meant to be;” but all you have done is practice how to not work through your differences and how to flee from a committed relationship (nooot a great skill to have of your proverbial relationships resume).

Let’s say that it is great and you find that you live well together… Well now what is left for you and your wedding day? Do you seriously think that spending a boat-load of money and wearing a pretty dress is going to cause you to feel any different than you did living together before your expensive party? This takes out one of the sacred aspects of committing to marriage! When you finally get to make a life together, it becomes a monumental event. When you play house before that… how is marriage anything special?


Sure, you can justify it anyway you wish (our minds are really good at making excuses and getting us to not confess any wrong decisions we may have made), but ultimately there is no way that the same feeling of commitment and excitement can exist for people who choose to wait versus those to have already lived together.

Now, this does not mean that there will not be struggles if you wait. There MOST certainly will be! But it is working through those struggles that strengthen your commitment to one another and increase your ability to tackle life’s future challenges… which are sure to come.

And speaking of challenges to come… just because you think you can get along with the person you see today, does not mean that they will be that same person in 10 years. And you have give heed to the idea of having a way out, then you are MUCH more likely to take that way out down the road. And I don’t know about you… but I don’t think ANYONE goes into marriage thinking, “Hmm, I really hope I get a divorce in the future.”

So what are your thoughts?! Share below!


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